Its time

Hello old friend. A friend I haven't seen or talked to in a long while. I have missed you so much but every time I would want to check in with you my voice would seem to fade. Almost become mute to share anything about me. Unable to reach out and say hello. Our friendship has been on rocky terrain and it had nothing to do with you it was all me! Ever since we became friends at one of my darkest moments, my voice got tired. Tired of sharing my one sided story. I started to feel very exposed in this place.

My friendship with my blog has been at almost a Mexican stand off. I would start to write and then stop for a silly fear of why should I share. I love writing, it was something I never enjoyed in my teen years. In the last few weeks my need to be friends again and write about my about my life, my internal ramblings and just plain shitfull parenting has been almost screaming at me. 

Our girls are all growing and changing now at a rapid pace. Life's lessons are starting to happen and teaching them how to handle really hard and sometimes hurtful situations are seeming the norm at the moment. I seriously after dealing with two things tonight, looked at the dog and thought we should have just had dogs. 

Being a parent is like trying to navigate a foreign planets terrain with no map. The girls issues are so very real to them and if we handle them wrong it may affect their life choices. Their hearts are starting to learn that not everyone is who they seem to be, not everyone is nice and most importantly not everyone will like them. This last point I think hurts them the most as they just want to be friends with everyone. 

I know that last point has plagued my life. I struggle still not understanding someone hating another without truly knowing that person. Anyway, working 40+ hours a week, juggling a house still under construction, 4 girls full of emotion and still finding time to love on my man candy feels more like a game of dodge ball than gracefull juggling. 

Talk again soon....