Goodbye 2013

I'm sitting in the shade of a glorious pine tree. Seagulls are everywhere. My girls are eating gelato and the smell of the ocean is swimming in the breeze. This is the last time the sun will set this year and i am seeing it out with a bang! 

Marty and I were talking last night about resolutions and I said I wanted to be humble with what I have, continue to work on me and to above all else be happy! Marty found a list of things you should ask yourself at the end if each year. Questions like when were you kindest to yourself?

what you need to improve on the most? When did you fail yourself? When did you let things get on top of you?

The list could go on. I endeavour to answer all the questions later tonight and this will be interesting to read next year as we never know what the future holds!

So for me this year has been one of huge lows and huge highs. I have been challenged emotionally and physically. My heart has broken and then healed. Our family has endured me on my roller coaster. My girls have grown and changed. 

In all our living I with my family end 2013 feeling better than we started, still not perfect but we have love and that's all that matters. 

What's kept in the dark....

You know when you come out from under a mushroom, life can seem kind of scary and life is sometimes not what you expected. Life sometimes throws you in another direction. Makes you open your eyes and look at what's around you. Who has been there but the mushroom hasn't let you out to have a gander at. 

I was evicted from the mushroom some time ago and in this time I have realised how many people have been around me. People that don't judge. Laugh at my jokes. Make me feel comfortable. Just plain lovely people. 

I actually am now happy about my eviction. Without it I wouldn't have been able to truly get to know who was just outside. People of true worth and that friendship is cherished not assumed. 

Love what you have....

Today I woke to sun beaming into the camper trailer. The sound of my girls playing out side. Martin sounded like he was having a laugh about something and my heart just swelled hearing these sounds. Only a few hours earlier Marty had woken me to come look at the sunrise taking place over the valley full of fog. 

Christmas was only yesterday, feelings off love and joy still remain. Our day yesterday was great. The girls woke us not to early, presents were open with glee and giggles. I found I kept getting distracted by the girls joy which stop me from opening my presents. Everyone kept telling me to open my ones! My Marty and my girls spoilt me big time! Actually both my parents and Marty's mum also spoilt me.  I felt huge love!

Once presents and breakfast was done we set out to finish lunch and dinner prep work and headed up to our block. That's when the heavens decided to open and continued until sunset. It made little difference to our day. All the kids still played and swam. We all still ate way to much and relaxed while chatting to loved ones. 

Our table was set for 21 was enjoyed and no plate left full. Martin spent his time  cooking food which no matter what he says, he loved more than anything. I think even with the weather and some forgetfulness this Christmas was the best we have had for a long while. 

So today as we cleaned up, I felt completely humble in knowing Christmas was pretty darn perfect. I found myself finding joy in all the little things. Watching the girls play. Having them cuddle you and say thank you for the presents they received. The sky last night was amazingly full of stars and the moon super bright even though it was only a half. Seeing my mum and dad hold hands in the afternoon. 

Small things people, they are far greater then we realise. 

Santa baby

Tonight I am laying on my bed with the sound of the tv in the distance and am realising that Christmas is only 2 sleeps away. I'm thinking am I organised, have I got the girls enough, have I forgotten anyone. The list of questions seems to be endless and yet I have the energy of a fat lazy dog, who just wants to sleep!

Today was our last day at work until Friday and to say I was feeling a little excited would be a understatement. The day was busy and a little frustrating as I seemed to not get all the things I needed to do, done. So the day ended and we arrived home to our girls who had been cleaning their rooms with their poppy. 

I know the kids were cleaning their rooms for fun! We helped the twins finish theirs and then tackled the house that we had neglected all weekend. We seemed to have miles of energy and now it's gone. 

Tomorrow will bring lots of setting up and preparation for the big day. Sleep please be my friend tonight and please give me the energy to get it all done so Christmas Day will be our kind of perfect in memory of the dad's that will be missing at our table this year. Bring on Santa and his slay!

How they have grown

Today I woke to early morning foot steps of two excited little girls determine to wake up before dawn! They were sent back to bed with a smile and a thank god they didn't get to the cranky preteen who likes her sleep. Unfortunatley I was wide awake after that and found myself replaying their birth, their fight and how much these little girls had gone through to be here today. 

I remember their little fingers, their little toes and how breathing wasn't the easiest thing for Emerson and how drugged out I was to take this in for the first 12 hours. How we spent Christmas and new year new in hospital and how it only seems like yesterday with a whole lot of living in between. 

I remembered all the sleepless nights, as unlike their 2 older sisters they weren't to fond of it back then. All the breast feeding that I felt like a jersey cow with the  both of them attached to me. All the nappies, my god all the nappies! Learning to sit, crawl, walk! Toilet training, preschool, play group, play dates, swimming lessons and the list could go on. 

My heart swells knowing they aren't babies for long enough. And the amazing fact that time seems to fly but when you really think, it hasn't been that fast. 

So we got another hour and that obviously was as long as they were going to wait to have their birthday started. All four arrive in our room for our normal present opening thing. Which saw some crazy happy faces with the knowledge of what they had received today! Laughing and playing started. I still want to sleep though as we stupidly stayed up way to late, might have to fit in a nanna nap later.

Happy birthday to my gorgeous girls Georgia and Emerson who today turn 7. I love you more than I ever thought humanly possible and my heart swelled to make room for you two seven years ago and will forever be big to fit all my family in it. 

All the kings horses and all the kings men..,

It's funny how when we have time to think our brains can ponder some strange stuff. I sat this afternoon in the passenger seat of the car with 5/6 of my family. I found myself gazing at some scars and thought I wish they would fade!  I blurted this thought out to marty with no real thought. He assured me they just need time. 

I found myself after that reflecting on how the scars got there. Why they need to stay there and how time will make them fade like lost memories. This started my brain making a list if pros and cons for the situation. 

My pros seem to lead me to our scars are reminders of when we fall down we have been strong enough to get back up. Proof that we so heal and our wounds close. These scars become a badge that we wear with sometimes honor and sometimes not so much!

The cons were easier to see. It shows weakness. Weakness of my core and soul. It is embarrassing to believe I was that weak. That these scars are there because I let them happen. I let my soul get lost and taken over. These scars are evidence which I find very confronting at times. I often catch people staring at them and wonder what they must think. 

My scars will not define me. They will never rule me. Over time our scars fade and what is left in its wake is clarification and a sense of being humble with that fact you survived! So I still hate my scars but I believe they mine for a reason. 

The week that was

This last week didn't fly by and didn't drag on. It was filled from sunrise to sunset with adventure in between. It saw kids try new things, make new friends and show responsibility that they probably didn't realise they had. I tried new things and braved things that scared me just to show the kids it was ok. 

To say I enjoyed my week is a bit of an understatement. It was a real treat to be able to go and help the school. My week also contained the hole where the rest of my family should be. I missed them like crazy. I missed Marty like crazy. While I was away, my other three little munchkins must have visited a far away land and came back able to get ready for school quickly. 

Marty talked on the phone about how good the girls were being and to be honest I held my doubts. This morning i saw it with my own eyes. These kids who struggled to be dressed let alone anything else by 9am were dressed, packed and fed by 7.45am! I was almost speechless. 

Whatever Marty did, he has now become an even bigger hero in my eyes!  The weekend was full with work, washing mowing,cleaning, a 30th birthday and that's just Saturday. The hard work paid off and we were rewarded with a trip to millthorpemarkets on Sunday with friends. What a fantastic market and a pretty little town. Sunday became complete with Christmas tree going up in anticipation of Saint Nick! The kids aren't to keen on my less is more attitude about the tree but they let me have it my way. 

The week that was, was outside the box but it was truly a memorable week. One that will last a lifetime.