Highs and lows

This week has been one with some amazing highs. Awesome feelings of heading in the right direction. It was like we were racing to the climax of the highs that we just couldn't wait for. My week did have a big low. Which I know you can't just have highs otherwise the balance would be lost.

This week has seen us do our last pizza nights at the shop. It was a huge decision, but the one thing that kept coming to my head was money is not worth as much as spending quality time with our girls. When I think about it Marty hasn't spent a Friday night with our girls in almost 3 years. That is huge when I consider how much the girls have changed in that time. 

The shouse got guttering this week and with no tank for another four weeks, our town got the best rain it has had for almost 12 months. It has been beautiful, singing in it worthy. We had a Marty and Bx night away. It was just yummy. Yummy to spend one on one time with my best friend. Talking and I mean non stop talking. It made me laugh, considering we spend everyday together at work, but away from being parents and bosś we are just a couple who just feed off each other. 

 Other highs this week include being on time to work, happy kids, sitting around the table at breakfast and listening to the girls and their crazy conversations. Watching our cat caius play with the kitten Jax. Starting to pack to move out. Relatively simple stuff, but when they give you butterflies, they are huge. 

Only one low to balance the week with, it was doubt and confusion. My head has so many rooms, that I try to lock out the negative, but it only takes one thing to unlock the doors. I struggled with these emotions, as all I could think was that it must be me. Doubt is like a poison ivy, it wraps around rational thought and pulls tight until you are completely irrational. Humanity and it's little quirks I suppose. I have managed to detangle most of the vine, but doubt is hard one to get rid of. Will just take time I guess. 

 So as I sit on my way back from a Marty and bec time weekend away, in Marty's jumper, searching for shapes in the big puffy clouds. I smile, cause next week is around the corner. 

Likes N dislikes

This week I have liked and disliked lots. Most Things have happened organically and some have been a little more premeditated. Life on the whole has been good. Balance is still trying to be found. 

This week the likes are huge. Things have happened with lots of positive outcomes. The shouse is water tight! We are renting our house out to a very beautiful family. We made a change at work so we could be a family like everyone else. Marty's test results were great and his health is good. 

I looked at the people I spend the majority of my time with and could only feel love. Love for my five girls, my Marty, my parents, my Westmans, my friends and the love for anyone I had the chance to smile with and has had the chance to giggle at me. 

My dislikes list is a little smaller for the week. I have disliked being judged for wanting to eat differently. Disliked being late in the mornings, disliked keeping Marty awake with my snoring. Dislike seeing my princess sad. 

My week is always full and the balance of it all sometimes is very uneven but that's part of the adventure of our lives. I think if you find more likes than dislikes in your day, to just go with it and enjoy what gets thrown your way and to let the dislikes float away. Well I try anyway, sometimes it's not that easy. Being human is hard. 

Bx

Hip hip hooray

This week I turned 34! I had the worst sleep possible the night before that I woke and had no idea what day it was, until Marty pulled me close to him and whispered happy birthday. I struggle with my birthday. I hate the ageing process, I have preyed on more than one occasion to be a vampire and live forever! I have to say the thought of not seeing my best friend every day makes my heart hurt and the thought of my girls being in the world without me is unimaginable. 

So as I said the day started with a shock and then it was calm. A quick trip to Cowra to renew the drivers license, and to make matters worse I have reached the age where if I have not had any fines in the last 5 years, I get my license for half price. New way to rub in my ageing!!

Got back to breakfast and cuddles with two of the cutest little men I know and coffee with a gorgeous friend and a three year old I could just smooch. People were walking in to the cafe and wishing me happy birthday. The joys of Facebook and a little town. It was lovely to feel a little bit of love, even if I cringed every time someone said it. 

The rest of the kids free time of the day we shouse built. Marty and I on the roof, him not worried, me petrified for my life. I'm up there thinking at any moment I am going off the edge for no apparent reason. I would get side tracked with just staring out over the block. I was in my happy place.

Kids picked up, milkshakes had, then tight arse Tuesday for dinner with waffles for dessert. I felt totally spoilt and loved. My ageing was still playing on my mind that night and it will continue to burn in the background for many reasons that I am not ready to air publicly. My day was a treat. Birthdays, love them or hate them, they are one day that is completly our own. 

 

Until my prays come true, it's another year older for me. 

Bx

Ps: I want to thank the amazing princess and shells for my hair voucher. I love you girls lots and lots and lots. Mwah

A day of what to do's!

This morning was the same as the last seven. Cranky, yelling, slow moving, no motivation and late. Always late. And this is just the children! Today just sucked. It sucked big nuts, big big nuts! The tough love thing has actually changed nothing. A big fat zero!!! 

This morning I think I just felt a little bit of ground hog! A bit down that I can't seem to work this parenting business out. A bit of throw my hands in the air and give up. A bit of can I put the kids on eBay? Accessories included!

So Marty and I were a little low. The girls had gone to school upset because they were being naughty again and knew they had upset me. I thought about them all day. Wondering if school distracted them. Whether they were ok? Whether they were enjoying their day?Whether they still loved me and their dad? What to do, what to do??!!

When they walked in at 3.20pm. I felt like I could breath again. Arms wrapped around me and I knew they still loved me.  They still weren't perfect, but Marty and I went home at 4pm and while they played we chatted about them. Talked about the things we have tried. The things we want to improve. The things that aren't working. It was calm, no yelling just making sure we are on the same page. 

Once we had worked out our plan, we called them in and talked. Talked about what we want from them, what they can expect from us. How the main thing they need to remember is respect! Respect for us, respect for each other and respect for other people. 

I'm trying to think positive. I trying to be strong with them and be consistant with what I will accept and what I won't. Parenting is the hardest job ever. We set high standards on ourselves, trying to live up to our parents standards. Trying to be more than is possible and not giving ourselves slack when we fail. 

Today ends better than it started. Happier, calmer and nicer than the morning fight club. I hold hope, that while I'm always learning in this job, that in someway, I'm doing something right. Even just a little. 

Bx

Tough love

This week saw my mummy skills hit a fork in the road. My girls have pushed and pushed and pushed some more and I just can't give anymore. They are walking all over me and I have to say I felt very defeated last week. I know they are just kids. Kids fight, kids are loud and kids can drive you crazy, but the difference with the girls lately is they are being very rude to Martin and I. This is where the problems occur!

I love them and would give them the world but I can't let them be the bosses. This is exactly what they have been thinking, and due to mummy guilt of working constantly I have no energy to say otherwise. With all this said, things had to change and quick. Punishment had to be effective and they had to learn respect towards us always. 

I broke down and just thought I must be the worst parent to be raising the monsters that have been living under my roof. I felt like giving up, not that I really knew how one would do that, as you can't return them and after so long they wouldn't fit where they came from!

Marty and I had to be on the same page. We chatted about the things we were doing wrong and how we needed to be a united front and we need to be consistant. Repeating the same things when they forget how one is meant to behave. Punishing their bad behaviour of the last few weeks by taking away all iPods, iPads etc (this I tell you is killing my eldest) for at least a month, to prove we have seen a change.

On the whole they have been pretty good thus far. Apart from being on the tired side today and having to be reminded of certain behaviours that we told them not to do. The same reminder is said and it seems to spark their memories. 

I know they will never be perfect, because we are all human. I just want to feel like they give a little crap about not embarrassing their parents every five minutes. That they understand there is a time and place for everything. That bad behaviour will have consequences and good behaviour will have some benefits. 

Parenting is by far the hardest job we are ever given in our lives. It comes with no training. It comes with no manual and problem solving is the name of the game. You develop team coordinating skils, you become a mediator and skilled in conflict resolution. Time management, multi tasking and coordinating lots of personalities is a daily ritual. I love this job with all my heart, sometimes it's just very hard. 

A shouse full of love

I haven't blogged about the block and the shouse for awhile. It has felt like we were never going to get anywhere. Between the paper work and the extreme dry heat the battle seeming to be lost at every corner. This week has seen a change. A new level of getting closer. Each hill being conquered. 

The last two days Marty has been up working on the shouse. We now have 2/3 of a roof! It's amazing to say how good this feels. My husband is doing an amazing job. He is learning constantly and I am so proud of him. 

Today he packed afternoon tea for the girls so when he picked them up they could head back to the block and finish the roofing that he started. He needed to get the insulation covered in case it rained, which funnily enough it did.  

They loved being up there. Now that they to are seeing the shouse take shape, they are excited. I knew none of this excitement until I greeted them at the shop door this afternoon. I was greeted with stories of what's going to be in their bedrooms. How a flying fox is planned. Where the tree house is going and don't ask how but a tunnel to a underwater pool. 

Their excited little faces and the squeals of laughter just made me giddy with my own excitement. Excitement because I too feel the same as them. 

My excitement lies in a big veggie patch and chickens and goats. To live off this gorgeous piece of heaven. To grow things seasonly and create from it in our shop. To wake up to the piece and quiet and feel like you are miles from anywhere. 

So whether young or old. The excitement of something is still always a driving source of energy and focus. I love that my girls find such joy there. I love seeing them play like I did as a child. I love seeing them make believe, with no device creating the experience for them. Don't get me wrong I love all things apple, but balance is required. 

Today's highlight was a childs excitement, that not matter how old, can still come out when the time suits. 

And a little bit of rain

We are traveling home from a weekend spent in the big smoke. Marty has had a bee in his bonnet about getting stuff done for his mum. We had decided to head down and Mother Nature had her own plans on how the weekend would go! 

We have not had rain for a long while so we are not complaining at all. We just made do with the conditions. Who said you can't go around a market in the rain. Who said you can't fix a door, who said you can't install a solar light in the rain and fix a gate. Well he did. 

He wished he could have done more but the rain did pull us up just a little. With this said the rain made way for some shouse shopping and some altogether down time watching movies and oh the Disney channel!

The weekend was nice. Nice to feel like your helping in any way. Nice to be able to have the girls spend time with their granny. Have Marty feel better having checked on his mum with his own eyes. It was nice to sit around eating toasted ciabatta with yummy raspberry jam and a warm cuppa. 

This weekend was stress free and refreshing. The rain has a way of cleansing us some how. It may be our natural connection with the earth. So as the weekend comes to an end and we won't be home for another 2 hours. Our weekend has been fulfilling with a whole lot of laughs thrown in. How was yours?

Bx