Over the weekend, I opened my eyes to my Mills and acknowledged the change in her behaviour. I discovered a lot of truths that made me upset but mostly it just hurt to know I hadn’t been paying enough attention. I have been walking around the past few months with my own grief held tight inside me. Trying to keep everyone going but without really seeing anyone or their needs. I failed them and myself.
So I’m lost, lost in how I guide her to do the right thing by herself always. To be her true authentic self without having to pretend she is something she isn’t just to be friends with certain people. To teach her, her worth and to value true friends that would never ask her to change. This seems easy to say but hard to do. You see, she is a head strong young lady who we created.
This wild, creative and beautiful creature is her own person, who is fiercely independent. She has always been the quiet achiever and lately has almost disappeared from family life. Hiding away in her room. Taking sanctuary from home life,which we had noticed and had tried to encourage a change. This want came to a head over the weekend.
I opened my eyes, not really prepared to find what I seen but I put my big girl panties on and dealt with it. In her eyes I’m probably the Monster for the punishment she received but learning boundaries is key. Learning to respect yourself and living a life filled with love and trust from the people who love you most in this life. I know she will get through this rough patch of finding her feet in this world, it’s just she can’t see the bigger picture yet.
In all of this, the one person I wanted to ask for guidance, was the one person I couldn’t. Although Marty and I work as an infathomable team, my Mum was the one that would always confirm what Marty said. ‘I am doing a great job’ or ‘you’re an amazing mother’. Her reassurance, although just words, was enough.
I love being my girls mother. They teach me probably more than I teach them. They are all unique, all beautiful and all bound to be amazing adults. This week has just been a bump in one of their roads. A bump that hopefully will spring her forward into clearer waters.
