Tainted heart

I always try to be a good human. I give what I can and will always offer to help someone in need. Over the last two years my heart has been tainted over and over again by the selfishness of some. Although I let my heart be shattered back in 2013 I vowed to heal that wound and to still be me, but that comes with a price. It makes me a little weak and I never truly stand up to the selfish. I give in. Over and over again. 

I have had people blame me for their problems. I have had some just turn their backs because I am no longer at their beckon call.  Then their are the ones that share terrible thoughts of suicide with me to only throw my kindness back in my face. 

No ones life is clean and neat and easy. Life is messy and full of intricate facts that from the outside looking in no one sees. It hurts to be abused when you have done nothing but be kind to someone. Letting them walk all over you and never standing up and saying what you feel. I'm soft, it's a fact I can no longer hide from. I'm not strong enough to handle the selfish people in the world but I can make a pack with myself on how to handle these things. 

My Pack is to just dismiss these people from being able to contact me. I am ok with saying I just can't handle the behaviour from them. This is me being kind to myself and not accepting the bad treatment from some that are so caught up in themselves they fail to see their short comings and promises they have made. 

This is the strength I will go with.