The day after tomorrow...

Well Last night i shared my blog on Facebook, for all of my friends to see. Don't ask me why i made this choice after keeping it to myself for a couple of months but i did. Once i shared it though, my mind raced with the realisation that my blog is the turnings of my inner most thoughts, that i really only share with my Marty. My blog is almost letters to him, so their is not even a wall in my mind that i can hide from him in.

So i shared and people read, and read and read. I went from an average of 18 readers a day to 189. As the figure grew so did my worry. Worry of what i had shared, worry of how people would take what i shared, worry of if i had exposed myself to the core and that it could back fire. Marty could see my stress and assured me that these are my stories, my battles and my highs and if people couldn't read it without judging then they had no place in my life, heart or mind.

Martin is always the first reader of my new posts. He reads them so intently that i sit on the edge of the seat waiting to know if it is good, if he understands, if he likes it even. He is my forever sounding board, i always know i will get an honest answer to any question, whether i will like the answer or not.

This morning to say i was a little nervous to leave the house may have been an understatement. My mind raced, my heart pounded at coming face to face with friends that may have read it. To me my blog is a healing process. For me to write such personal things about my life is great. I find it relaxing and a way of acknowledging and owning all that i am.

As we own a coffee shop in a small town, it wasn't long before i was talking to people that knew some of my dirty little secrets. So i decided that i shared so i can bring it up. People have been beautiful about it. Respecting me for sharing and it has started some in depth and amazing conversations today. I feel like i had broken some wall between us as proud people, that saying I'm having a bad day is ok. Being kind to each other and ourselves is something we all want.

I broke protocol,  I put my head on the chopping block and was prepared to take the axe, but i was spared and taken to the castle tower and showed their is another way. Showed i can be me, without judgement, without worry, without fear of the axe falling. So tomorrow may bring greater things, may bring greater joys and sometimes may bring greater falls but there is always the day after tomorrow to start another day of almost anything!

Bx