Just not a good patient

I'm writing this at 1am in the morning, sitting in a hospital bed that has been mine now for three nights. I don't get sick and I certainly don't like staying in hospital. I arrived here very unwell, but still thinking I'm ok, it's not that bad. Well crap I was wrong. Extremely high temp, head throbbing and chest tightening were my only symptoms, so I became there mystery patient. 

Awesome! I'm a mystery and not in a cool, sexy kinda way. No one knew what it was except it had to be an infection of some kind, they hoped. Iv antibiotics were started straight away and lots and lots of blood taken to try and find an answer to the conundrum that is me!

So day two comes around of my stay and I'm told I have to stay for more monitoring. No answers as to why and that's when I start to lose my shit. I'm not a kid you can omit information from to protect them and I'm not the elderly that just don't want to know all the gory details of it. I'm me, I need to know otherwise, yes I will tell myself I'm fine and just want out of this place. 

In all this I'm not saying I'm refusing treatment or have attempted to leave. I have been frustrated with no one telling me everything. So tonight as I was woken for my midnight observations and antibiotics, I got some answers and finally understood why they are worrying about letting me out. I'm sick, very sick. Scary sick actually. 

We still haven't got to the core of how this happened but what I know now is my platelets are extremely low along with my white blood cell count. It has a name now, which is frightening. 

I'm scared, so very scared of what this path is leading down. I just want to go home and be with my family. As the tears stream down my face right night, I have to admit I'm struggling. My heart is aching and Im scared shitless of what is around the next bend.