Give me a reason

I'm spiralling down into a dark place that I know well. I have tried to fight it and keep my head from going in but it seems I'm not so strong. My energy is lacking the fight it needs to hold onto my sanity. I'm weak and the cracks are showing. 

I'm pushing away the closest to me and the funniest part to the whole thing is I did this. I let this happen to me. I broke me by not standing up for my self. I crushed my own heart and stupidly thought I'd be fine. Funny how dumb ones mind can be when you give away too much of yourself. 

And I was dumb as I thought facing what hurt the most would fix it. Wrong! Not smart at all, it then lead to more hurt and pain along with creating a bigger divide between me and everything else. Inside my heart turned to dust and a smile became plastered on my face. How do you mould dust back together? 

Stress has also played her part here. Money... That horrible thing always rears its ugly head. She is a cruel bitch who laughs and stabs you while your down. Anyway, while this situation will be better soon, my head and heart will take time to heal. 

I'm angry at myself for letting me get back here. Maybe I'm meant to live my life at the bottom of a dark, cold and scary hole. Maybe it could just swallow me and save me anymore pain. As much as I want to say I'll fight, the will is just not there. The jigsaw is messed up and too many pieces seem to be missing.