Final moments

This week will be my last in the shop. I seriously can't believe it. It has happened so quick but also perfectly in time with other things happening in our lives. Marty started a new job last week and is very happy with it. I was amazed how well I got through last week with some amazing people helping me. Even Maya stepped up and helped in the shop!

But this last 3 days have been hard. Its sad saying goodbye and knowing all we put into this business. All the highs and lows happened for a reason. I mean we won best hospitality business and the shopped burned in the same year. Talk about up and down emotions! But you know what it all happened and we lived through it and made it out the other side. Always smiling and always looking for ways to improve ourselves. 

So this week although it has been sad it has also been happy. Our time to move on is here and I feel ready for a new adventure in life. It will feel strange not to see people everyday and I'm sure I Will struggle with this a little. Our plans will come together and 2015 holds great adventure. 

We are heading to the uk and France in June to spread Martins Dads ashes. The girls will meet cousins they never knew existed and Martin will see his family whom he hasn't seen for at least ten years. The girls will experience new things and see parts of the world that are truly beautiful. 

2015 is all about change and closure....look out year!

Selling, school and me.

The sale of the shop took just four days! I think I have only just come to grips with what is happening. It is amazing to say we have sold it so quick. By Thursday week I will no longer run a cafe! I'm extremely happy to have spent the last four years being our own bosses and riding the roller coaster with my very best friend in the world. 

I'm also counting down the days to hand over the reins! Life is looking pretty good from this side of the fence. This year is heading in the right direction and we are putting ourselves and the girls first. I'm so glad to have gone on this adventure even if it was at the toll of my sanity. I will miss one important thing, my customers. The ones that always had a chat, told a joke or shared a story. I will miss that so very much, oh and the coffee!

The count down is also on for my little humans to go back to school. Life in this department has mixed emotions. The littlest three are all chomping at the bit to go back and see there friends and teachers, but my biggest one is a little  nervous and super excited all at the same time. I'm sad, scared and very proud of her. 

High school was not a period I remember that fondly of in my life and trying to teach my girls to be braver than me and stronger within themselves is always a hard and very fine line in the parenting game. I want them to try to be whatever they want to be. I want them to not let others walk over them and for them to enjoy these years I so very much struggled with. 

Me at the moment is happy. Starting to relax as the thought of juggling the shop, the house, the kids, the building, the customers, the bills and oh you know any other thing that jumps out at us in this game called life! Marty is happy, relaxed which is helping me hugely. I know life will never be peaches and cream easy but if I can get back to the basics of life and focus on that, the rest will be much easier to deal with. 

Bx

Life as we know it

The decision is done and things are a changing. The shop is on the market and we have let the gossip begin. Small towns are rif with this and whether people know a little or nothing, they talk. Never stopping to ask why or want to understand the need for change. We have held this announcement close to our chests for over two months. It hasn't come out of nowhere, it has evolved through, thought and the trusty old list of pros and cons. 

Marty and I are making this decision for our future and my health. This won't tick high on the gossip radar but it's the truth. We are thinking of us for a change, instead of the want of the greater population. I mean don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore what we have achieved in our almost 4 years. It's us all wrapped up in our own little package. It's food made with love and coffee that gives your mouth a .... Anyway, we are proud of ourselves no matter what the haters say. 

So in less than a week our life will officially change. Marty will start a new job. This is huge as we have worked alongside each other everyday for a long time. It scares me to think he won't be there to run ideas past. To prop me up when I'm having a bad day and to laugh at my goofy singing. I will miss him like crazy, as he is one of my best parts! The shop seriously won't be the same with out him, but it will help with the eventual sale that he is already distant from the business. 

Once the sale occurs which at the rate of interest hopefully won't be long, change will be 100% on its way. To say that I look forward to not doing Bookwork, cashflow  projections, dotting every i and crossing every t. Bliss, pure bliss! My stress will be able to stablize and my anxiety will settle. 

So life as we know it is changing. Changing for us is a good thing. Progress in a good direction is never bad. I'm excited, sad and a little nervous but I'm determined that 2015 is going to be better that the last two years for our family no matter who it upsets. 

Cheers to the sun!

Better highs and smaller lows

Well it's a new year. Finally 2014 ended, it still had its last hurrah on us with Christmas Day rains flooding the shop. It was just like the universe needed to remind us we have not finished messing with your lives just yet!  But the year is finally over and my hopes for the new one are hopeful albeit still dealing with the struggles of the last one. 

This year I'm making changing. No more Facebook is a big one. It has caused so many problems for me and my family and I'm just finding the medium very petty and very sad. It is also going to see a change in the way our family works. It will see changes at work. It will see changes in the shouse. It will see changes to finances. 

I have hopes that this year won't be perfect but will be better than the last one. Although I know life needs the bad stuff for balance to occur. I hope it is that though,  balanced this year. It's has been hard to not cry over every obstacle of the past twelve months. At times I just had to, but life doesn't stop just because things are hard. You just need to keep living, and remember the bad stuff won't last. 

I'm hopeful. It's hard to think any other way as there are four little humans that need me to be their support. Their rock and pick up the pieces to make their world a better place. Wallowing, although it happens, has to be done in the quiet of the night when they lay their heads down to rest. 

So here's to hoping this year is better than the last and more than I can imagine. 

Miss E and G are eight!

Today my littlest humans turned eight. As I struggle with my eldest going to high school, these little people are reminding me time is traveling along with no way of stopping it. Them being born is still so vivid and seems like only yesterday but they are eight and there is no mistaking their growth. This year has been a huge growth period for them. They have seriously blossomed. 

Dear George,

Boy oh boy you are just the sweetest kid I think I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and I help create you. You are smart. Very very smart, you make me feel dumb a  lot of the time. You love art, which makes me know that your daddy and myself firmly left an imprint. You care about everyone. You worry about Emerson always and you make sure everyone is doing the right thing. You are our policewomen, always on the job. I love you more and more each day. 

Dear Emerson,

You are one of a kind. You are the true blue individual. You make me laugh something silly. You also make me very mad sometimes. We clash a lot but I think that is because we are very alike. You are a clown like me. You love attention and almost crave it. This year you have thrived. The change in schools last year I think was the best thing that has happened to you. You proved how smart you are. This last year has seen you mature and to see you proud of your sister at presentation day instead of jealous made me cry. I love you truly, madly, deeply. 

....

Both of these little humans are as I always say two halves of one whole. They fight like normal siblings but when it comes down it, they protect each other fiercely and love each other deeply. They were a surprise eight years ago and they continue to surprise us everyday.

Happy birthday my beautiful girls. It's a pleasure to be your mummy.  

Month number twelve, already...

LMy need to blog lately has been low. It's funny, it's something that calls to you to be done and if there is no call, I feel I shouldn't write. Blogging for me comes from a place that needs to speak. Maybe for reasons of growth, wants of closure and a need to document the wonderful. I'm no writer but I do enjoy this medium more than most. I share, albeit too much sometimes which some find strange but I share. I'm real which is a nice place to live. 

Can you believe it's December. I can't, this year had been so strange and so much like living on a roller coaster. The highs have been wonderful and the drop to the lows bumpy but we made it to the end of the ride that was 2014. This month is one of my favourites. I love Christmas. Christmas morning I find myself just sitting watching my little humans unwrap there treasures with untapped excitement. Waiting to see if they love the gifts we have chosen. 

It is also the month my twins were born. In a rush but determine to be here for Christmas. In a blink eight years have flown by but they will always be my little girls. 

So of late life is busy. Which is no real change from any other moment for us humans. It's just the only difference at the moment is no matter how busy our lives are we are finally mastering the work and home  life balance. It's super cool to feel good about both halves of your life. 

My need to document moments and feelings has its ups and downs. It is honest and brutal at times but you know what, it feels good to write it down. To acknowledge those feelings. To share my moments. To feel I can be honest with myself to share the way I do. To share private moments and times in my family that makes us real. Perfection comes from within, not on the outside. My life with all its craziness and bumps is perfect. My family make it that way. My girls are just my reminder of how lucky I got in life. My husband is my rock and my most perfect other half. They all make me whole. 

So December has arrived and the man in the big red suit will be on his way very soon. Still so many moments left to share until 2015 arrives with force. I'm going to enjoy the rest of the ride and continue to share my heart. 

One of those days

Having one of those days where I just feel like crap. My mood is low, my body is playing up on me and making me feel sick and I just can't seem to pick myself up and carry on with it. You know what I'm saying right? Just a shit day that will pass but not before you hit the floor!

Life of late has been on the whole, pretty freaking good. Albeit something's have been a struggle, I have felt pretty good. I'm exercising and watching what I eat. I have lost weight. I may have put it back on while on the annual school camp but I'm back on track and have lost the weeks weight gain. I am finding this work/home balance is really good. We are enjoying both sides equally which is nice. 

But today I'm just low and really can't articulate why. It's not the woman's  condition in case you had wondered.  I'm just, well, flat! My head has all these questions, which I wish it would stop asking as I will never know the answers too. My really smart husband gave me my options on my problem. Simple really but my head still struggles to work it out!

I hope that when sleep finds me tonight, the new day of tomorrow will bring light and an awakening of what I need to do to finish this struggle of mine. So until this happens I will sit with my adult drink and ponder the what ifs, the how comes and I should do's in my world.