I can run!

You know I'm so amazed at how I am ending the year. In the last twelve months I have managed to drop a heap of weight. Let's be realistic, I'm no supermodel. I'm short, hippy and I may lack the posture, don't tell my girls as I'm always at them to stand straight. I hit my peak weight when we got back from overseas. I was chubby and the moon had less craters. 

Marty and I came back with 100% determination to be better for ourselves. To be healthy and be happy with ourselves. I found it was hard to lose the the weight, so I bought a treadmill and just set a goal of meeting a certain calorie amount each time. At first it was hard. Extremely hard! I was very unfit and struggled to run for more than a couple of minutes at a time, on low speed. 

Over many weeks my fitness got a lot better and I was running for over 20 minutes constantly and at a high speed. That's when the weight started to drop and the craters started to dissipate. To be fair I'm a little proud I can actually run lol. To date I have lost 8 kgs. It may not seem much but it has made me feel on top of the world. 

I have grown in confidence in myself and have finally found my inner me. I have grown in mind and reduced in body. I'm proud of me, like really proud of me. I've discovered I like running and that was a serious surprise. I feel really clear in my head and happy with my choices in life. 

This year has brought new life and perspective to the mind body and soul. I still haven't reached my goal, I'm sure 2016 will hold the finish line. 

Bad friend announcement!

From Today I'm going to be a better friend. From today I'll be a better wife and mother. You want to know why? Because I have been neglecting everything and everyone over the last few months. I'm not sure why, I can't even articulate a reason but all I know is I have been MIA. Mind, body and soul and it's just not fair on everyone, even my house!

I feel terrible as I'm not sure when I closed up but I just know I did and I'm going to fix it now. Today. This second. I will be more present, more aware and more active with everything and everyone in my life. I have missed everyone!

I have been absent in my life and stupidly consumed by unimportant crap. My life I have almost felt like a spectator in with no end that I could find, but I did. I found a way to snap out of the haze and realised just how much I have missed and how sorry I am to the people I call friends and family for my absence. 

So to my friends and family, I'm sorry I went MIA and my Christmas wish is to be so much better next year. Let's just hope you all can forgive me for my absence. 

Your long lost friend,

Bx

The heart of a broken lion

I stand here today just a little bit more broken than the day that has pasted. My heart has taken such a beating over the last few years and never has it hurt like this. Trust has been broken and I'm not sure time will make it whole again. 

When you think of the things that you say "I'll be fine with that" or "I would never let someone treat me like that". When those things happen the world blurs. All of sudden you have no clue how to handle life and fear you'll never be whole again. 

My life of Late has had these moments and I'll tell you something. You never deal with them the way you think you would. My heart is lost and I'm imploding. It hurts like a son of a bitch. Where is my back bone? Where is my morals? Where did me go?

Anger is absent, tears struggle to fall and blind fear Reins supreme! Fear of loss, fear of standing up for myself and fear of doing what I always said I would do. 

I mean who am I kidding, I'm no lion. I'm not even a cat. I'm a scared little mouse and my voice is too soft to be heard. 

First lost love

Last night our big girl Miss M told me she had to tell me something but was finding it hard to say. We finally guessed what was wrong and her first love was over. You know those first relationships where you feel like your in love but when it happens 100% you realise they were just crushes. Marty called her over and our big girl who is fiercely independent curled into her daddy's arms and cried. 

I knew something was off that afternoon, she was more sullen then usual. Hiding in her room more than normal and when I walked into ask her something her face was pale and sad. My mummy radar was pinging but I wouldn't push her to talk unless she wanted to. 

For Marty this was a reminder that although he hasn't seen her naked for over 3 years and when she is moody and glares at him like he is poo on her shoe, she still needs her dad when things go wrong. It actually made my heart swell to see this happen. She held my hand the whole time aswell which made me also realise how strong a bond we have with the girls and that we are doing some things right. 

First crushes are like whirl winds. Strong emotions and easy to break. Teaching her that love will be so much stronger was our task last night. That love is fought for. 

These first heart breaks will never disappear from your memories but when real love happens, you realise what love truly is. 

Bx 💜

First lost love

Last night our big girl Miss M told me she had to tell me something but was finding it hard to say. We finally guessed what was wrong and her first love was over. You know those first relationships where you feel like your in love but when it happens 100% you realise they were just crushes. Marty called her over and our big girl who is fiercely independent curled into her daddy's arms and cried. 

For Marty this was a reminder that although he hasn't seen her naked for over 3 years and when she is moody, she still needs her dad when things go wrong. It actually made my heart swell to see this happen. She held my hand the whole time aswell which made me also realise how strong a bond we have with the girls and that we are doing some things right. 

First crushes are like whirl winds. Strong emotions and easy to break. Teaching her that love will be so much stronger was our task last night. That love is fought for. 

Remind, review and renew

I haven't blogged in a while and for really no other reason than I haven't had anything to really say. Life has been great! We got back from our family trip of a lifetime with a new found appreciation for our lives, love and for myself. I came back determine to lose the weight that has crept up on me over the last 12 months. My family is so close it's hard to describe. My love for Marty has grown even more, like we have cracked open a new level in the game of life. 

So since our return there has been a calm over our family. Almost like the world around us just said your doing good. Be happy and everything will always work out. Our family dynamic has synced even better. The girls are calm. We talk, God do we talk. All the time. The girls sit around the dinner table and talk about everything that happens in their day. 

With our family being so in sync I have finally kicked my butt into gear and started working out, eating better and being kind to myself. So far I have lost 5cm around my waist which is great progress that has me motivated to keep going. It's funny how when you feel good about yourself, there is a confidence that grows so big that it seems strange that you didn't have it before. 

This confidence and feeling of self worth changes everything. Your feelings of worry over old grudges. Worries of people disappearing from your life for no reason. The grudges and resentment just disappear. All of a sudden you just think -what's the point? Life never stops for your troubles. Everyday comes just like the last. The confidence is great and makes for a more positive outlook on each day. 

So I now get to Marty and me. Omg that man and I just keep growing together. I never thought I could find someone that I seriously have zero, yep zero secrets from. He knows everything, my truths, my fantasies, my likes, my dislikes. He is my true north, actually he is my freaking everything. He is just like part of me that completes the puzzle. He makes the pieces fit. When I'm realistic with out him coming into my life I wouldn't have the life I lead, the love that surrounds me and the family I call mine. 

Life's great in the clouds 

Remind, review and renew

I haven't blogged in a while and for really no other reason than I have t had anything to really say. Life has been great! We got back from our family trip of a lifetime with a new found appreciation for our lives, love and for myself. I came back determine to lose the weight that has creep on over the last 12 months. My family is so close it's hard to describe. My love for Marty has grown even more, like we have cracked open a new level in the game of life.