Poppa bears broken heart

Tonight I sit reflecting on the weekend. A weekend Marty and I had been so looking forward to as we have not had a good break since Easter. All things started so well, we finally after 5 trips got set up on the block for our block break. 

The day was warm and the girls were off playing when I had to duck back into town for, you know what I can't even remember. As I got back I picked up martins phone that contained a message of urgent recall. For some reason I took Marty the phone, thinking he needed to ring his family. He rang and then we spiralled down. Marty collapsed to the ground and tears flowed down his face. 

Our girls swamped him straight away crying. Not knowing why they were upset except for the sight of their daddy crying. I fell to my knees beside him, begging for him to tell me what was wrong and tears fell from my eyes as like the girls the sight of him crying has that effect on me, as he is the strong one. 

He hung up and told me " my Dad is dead". I curl myself into him and we all cry. Cry for the loss of a parent at such a young age, cry for the pain I see my strong, gorgeous man in, cry for the time you can never take back and do over. All I say is sorry, over and over again. 

Seeing a man cry is one of those things that effect me hard. Hard for the fact that, in this house Marty is the strength and back bone. He picks up the pieces and puts them back together. 

I can only recall seeing him cry 5 times. 3 were happy tears of the births of our girls. Once when his grandad died and once when Emerson was first born and she was struggling to live. This time will make it 6. Compared to my floods that happen often, he is a drought. 

Seeing him cry makes my heart break into a million pieces. I find it hard to see and be strong for him, as all I want to do is ball along with him. Crying is a good thing to do. It lets it out and almost washes us clean. Clean to heal a little, to let go of anger and guilt. 

Our poppa bears heart is broken and all the porridge, chairs and beds in the world is not going to help. Time and love is the answer to this riddle. Mummy bear and all his baby bears will be right beside you to give you the love and time you need. 

R.I.P Granddad bear