August Already!

Wow this year has flown. Next Christmas is closer than the last one. My girls are heading towards another year older, this year will be my 13th wedding anniversary and i will have spent 18 years with my best friend & lover!

So now that its August, time to start thinking about spring and all that it offers. Time to think of Christmas and what you will buy everyone! Time to think about what you have and haven't achieved this year and if you haven't started your dreams then time to start!

This week coming has a feeling of change on the horizon. You know when you have a heap of nervous energy and you just know in the pit of your stomach that what you wake up with in the morning might not be what you take home that night. It has a feeling of excitement for the mutual thought pattern that Marty and i have about our future. We are totally on the same page and this is a hugely humbling feeling.

We arrived at the end of the week with a big change of thought about the type of house we are going to build on our block. Our original plan was to build a shed, move into said shed and build our house and then i went and had a change of thought back to one of our original ideas. This shocked me the most as i was sort of scared about it originally as it is very outside the box. So tomorrow we are talking to council to not ask what they need, but more ask how they can help us achieved our dream. How they can guide us to see our quirky idea come to life.

So with 3 weeks left of winter and Spring starting to show its face within our gardens and paddocks. I am going to enjoy these last weeks of hibernation before the flowers start to bloom fully, and the sun starts to warm you back up to the core. I'm going to enjoy the changes that are coming in nature, life and with myself.  Spring is coming and i'm looking forward to it!

How do you solve a problem like E

When the twins came along in a rush, we had 4 beautiful girls under 3.5years. I don't think we knew just how hard it was going to be, how busy we would be and how juggling all those personalities would be so confronting at times. As our girls grew our family dynamics with them were constantly changing, things started to become interesting. Each learning different things to reach those ever so important milestones. These milestones bring joy and a sense of pride as a parent.

Things get interesting when one starts to not meet those milestones. When she has a twin sister who is meeting them and even exceeding them. When she is not coping in many situations that her sister does. When she has melt downs over everything and is angry 80% of the time. To us we started looking into how to help this little angel that was a beautiful, happy baby that smiled always. I missed her! I still miss her when her world seems to get to hard for her.

She is one of four of the most amazing things i have ever done in my life.  She is my baby, even though she was a twin. Miss Em was the smallest, sickest and also the strongest little person i have ever met. I think she will always be the smallest in our family, she has my side of the genes! We worked out when she was three that she was affected hugely by diet. Certain colour, additives and preservatives affect her personality. This was so frustrating at the start, especially since she was breastfeed until she was 14months old, solids were delayed until after 6 months, you know all the things the books tell us to, even after two other babies.

So today she and her twin sister are 6.5years old. They are meeting their learning milestones, but poor Emerson still is battling her demons. Some days are better, where this beautiful little person reveals herself to us but on other days like today, this angry little girl appears and until she lets it all out there is no making sense of her. She gets so upset that she thinks we don't love her and she starts to hate herself. This is heart breaking to witness as all i want to do is help her and make the world make sense for her!

Our job over the last few years has been trying to find ways to make her happy 80% of the time and not the other way around. This job will continue until we help our beautiful little girl grow and become the amazing young lady we know she can be. We as parents have a huge job when bringing a child into the world. We are teachers, providers, listeners, friends and above all else we are two warm arms to call home when life just gets to much. So tomorrow is another day and we will have new things to learn, deal with and laugh about.

The Block Unlocked

On this beautiful Sunday i was woken by my gorgeous husband serving me a cup of tea. He had set his alarm so we didn't sleep in as our girls had slept over at Nanny and Poppy's the night before. Marty knew i wanted to spend the day at the block playing and planning. We had made sure the washing was all done and that there was really nothing that needed to be done at home so we would be able to relax.

This was not a normal start to our Sundays, they normal consisted of a big sleep in, getting out of our PJ's after noon and lots and lots of washing. So we set off to pick the girls up with the car packed with enough food and water for the day. This was also the first time we had taken 'the Boys' (our dogs) to the block. We were excited to see how they would go being up there, as there is no boundary fencing except for the back and the front!

We arrived and from the moment we drove through the gate, my body just became calm and stress free. Time just seem to slow. Time for laughing, time for play, time for chatting and time for rest. My day then consisted of setting 2 big piles of wood on fire that needed clearing and working out where needs to be cleared for our house. I looked around and found myself creating areas of enjoyment in the garden i was creating in my head. An area for a fire pit for serious marsh mellow toasting, an area for a bench seat for an afternoon cuppa and a rock garden that already has its makings in the rocks. I found myself picturing certain trees in certain spots.

All of us found it hard to leave this afternoon, but as the sun was setting to a beautiful red and night was taking its place in the day we had to say good bye for now. Until next weekend at least!

Notre rėve

A phrase I live by is 'don't follow your dreams, chase them'

So today we signed the final paperwork for the start of our happily ever after. We signed the final paperwork for our block of land that we are going to build our forever home on. A home that will have a room each for our girls, a home that will have room to move in, a home that will sit on the top of our hill and be our slice of heaven on earth. 

This dream has been ours since we got married 13 years ago. A dream of having a place that we truly feel at home in. 

Once we set foot on this block of land my heart melted. I fell insanely in love with the view, the peace, the landscape, the serenity! I felt like the father in the movie 'the castle'. I felt like I had found my way home. 

It has been a battle, that is nothing new in our life. Nothing has come easy, except the twins, they were a little happy accident. We have always started at the wrong side of the mountain and we have had to cross canyons, Rivers and climb steep terrain to get to our goals, but we never say die! We just trudge on till the finish line. 

So on Wednesday morning we will finally cross that line and own our "notre rėve" which in English is 'our dream'. With blood, sweat and tears kind of passion! 

So very lazy this Sunday

Im a mother of 4 young children and i slept until 11.06am this morning. Even to me this was a huge shock! I mean the children didn't sleep that long. I haven't had that sort of sleep in since before children, so over 11 years. 

So I ventured out of our bedroom and found I followed the beautiful smell of freshly baked croissants coming from the kitchen and my smiling husband standing there in his element making food for others to enjoy! I was greeted with smiles, kisses and lots of squishy cuddles from my little ladies. 

As we ate brunch the girls said they wanted to have a lazy day of movies and pj's. This only lasted an hour and the call of outside became to loud for the youngest 3. They played the rest of the day with our two dogs pretending they we training the dogs to do an agility course. Very cute and gave me a few giggles watching them trying to teach our seven year old boxer new tricks. 

I washed and washed more clothes! Felt like I had a mountain to climb to get through it, but by days end both bathroom baskets were empty and my dining table was filled with folded washing. 

To complete my somewhat lazy day and bath with my hubby and then a yummy dinner with fresh baked bread (first attempt, which was not that good!).

Hope everyone's Sunday had moments of laughter, relaxing and connection. 

Bx

The day after tomorrow...

Well Last night i shared my blog on Facebook, for all of my friends to see. Don't ask me why i made this choice after keeping it to myself for a couple of months but i did. Once i shared it though, my mind raced with the realisation that my blog is the turnings of my inner most thoughts, that i really only share with my Marty. My blog is almost letters to him, so their is not even a wall in my mind that i can hide from him in.

So i shared and people read, and read and read. I went from an average of 18 readers a day to 189. As the figure grew so did my worry. Worry of what i had shared, worry of how people would take what i shared, worry of if i had exposed myself to the core and that it could back fire. Marty could see my stress and assured me that these are my stories, my battles and my highs and if people couldn't read it without judging then they had no place in my life, heart or mind.

Martin is always the first reader of my new posts. He reads them so intently that i sit on the edge of the seat waiting to know if it is good, if he understands, if he likes it even. He is my forever sounding board, i always know i will get an honest answer to any question, whether i will like the answer or not.

This morning to say i was a little nervous to leave the house may have been an understatement. My mind raced, my heart pounded at coming face to face with friends that may have read it. To me my blog is a healing process. For me to write such personal things about my life is great. I find it relaxing and a way of acknowledging and owning all that i am.

As we own a coffee shop in a small town, it wasn't long before i was talking to people that knew some of my dirty little secrets. So i decided that i shared so i can bring it up. People have been beautiful about it. Respecting me for sharing and it has started some in depth and amazing conversations today. I feel like i had broken some wall between us as proud people, that saying I'm having a bad day is ok. Being kind to each other and ourselves is something we all want.

I broke protocol,  I put my head on the chopping block and was prepared to take the axe, but i was spared and taken to the castle tower and showed their is another way. Showed i can be me, without judgement, without worry, without fear of the axe falling. So tomorrow may bring greater things, may bring greater joys and sometimes may bring greater falls but there is always the day after tomorrow to start another day of almost anything!

Bx

A slice of fun in the winter sun...

Marty and i decided that due to the school holidays, that the girls deserved to not have to get up and go to the shop at the crack of dawn everyday! So we are taking turns at having sometime off.

Today the girls and i had a very big sleep in. I awoke to the sound of silence in the house. Martin had kissed me good bye a few hours earlier, he stoked the fire to make sure his princess were toasty warm. The sun streamed in our coloured glass front door, painting the walls yellow, green and purple. i got up to check the time as my phone had gone flat over night and found it to be 9.36am. OMG, all the girls were still in bed, including Miss Emerson who never sleeps past 7.30am.

Obviously Marty and i were right in that they needed some rest. So they slowly appeared up and in no real hurry to get going, all the while asking if we could go to the park. It was a beautiful winter day, warm even for July. So we eventually made it to the park after visiting the post office, the shop, the accountant and fold 4 loads of washing so i could get into our bed tonight. You know all the normal things you do on your day off!

So with bikes and skates at the ready we set off. The girls were happy to see so many of their friends at the park. They played for a few hours while i continued to watch and sort out our house finance and staff group certificates. Multi tasking to the max!

I think my skin may have gone into shock with the amount of sun it received today, but it was a lovely feeling as I'm indoors all the time. It's starting to feel like we are getting the hang of the work/life balance. That the girls only have such a short time as kids, that we need to make sure we take time out for them!