1, 2, miss a few 99, 100....

Last night was probably the worst night sleep i have had in a long time. I tossed and turned. I never felt like i fully went to sleep. My head had crazy vivid dreams that seem to be happening behind my eyes and i could see all the room around me at the same time. I really couldn't think of a reason as to why i wasn't sleeping. I'm not really stressed, i mean I'm on holidays and doing fun stuff with the shouse and new things in the shop, so i was a little confused. The alarm went off this morning, in-which i had woken exactly one minute before it chimed. I knew i didn't feel 100%, but until i got up and started to get ready for the day, was when i put two and two together and realised why.

 I had missed my HAPPY PILL yesterday! 

I was crazy mean to Poor Marty this morning. I was screaming at the kids to hurry up. I just wasn't happy. I wanted to cry and scream and sleep and cry and cry and scream even louder some more. You wouldn't think it would play up so quickly and you don't really think that this small pill holds so much sanity in it. My day continued with me snappy and cranky and sad all at the same time. I parted the girls like moses and Marty would have been be-headed if we were in the middle ages. I was a mean Queen!

This knowledge has frustrated me some what, as it was only days ago i was thinking how well i feel and how i may be able to start to ween off them. This had made me happy, as i seriously had thought this feeling would not happen. How i was wrong, it hasn't been all that long that i have been taking them in the grand scheme of things, but i thought i may be getting better. I don't like this person at all. She is nasty, frazzled, sad, mean and struggles to even string three words together.

Depression is such a weird thing. You can be a happy person, which i am and still suffer with it. I know time is all that is needed, but it is very scary to feel how quickly you can slip off the edge and back falling down the hole. You feel like you are falling until the chemical kicks in and provides a rope that pulls you back out.