Don't mess with mummy's Cubs

This week life has been a roller coaster of emotions, I tell you. Started the week slow. Tired but determine to exercise. Wednesday I had a job interview and that in turn ended the highs. Wednesday afternoon the bad came crashing down with the bus driver for the second time scaring the living crap out of me and the kids.  This said bus driver believes he is entitled to punish my children by making them stay on the bus longer. The killer part is, the thing he blamed them for, they didn't do!  

So I rang the bus company, whom he hadn't told any of this too. They seemed to be on my side and understand my distress until they ask me to speak to the driver the next morning. Well he didn't want to understand that he scared me and the kids and just wanted to yell at me like I was two! It gets better, he then slammed the door in my face and drove off at bullet pace. I was horrified and scarred for my girls, but didn't want to drive to the next stop and ripped them off as I know it would have embarrassed them. 

I arrived home and rang Marty, who was too horrified by what I retold to him and this is where the story goes from worse to outright unbelievable. Marty rang the bus company where he left a message. He rang the school who were upset by what had happened and then the police. Obviously the police visit to there business got them to return the call and that's when Marty realised they didn't care about what he was upset about and then started to call my husband names and myself a liar. 

Things escalated from there and now we are at a point where the wife of the owner rang me and has somewhat smoothed it over, but it doesn't change how stomach churned I have been today at the thought of them coming home today on the bus. I want an apology and ultimately the bus driver gone. I'm sure I'm not the only one that has had problems, but by the sounds of it the only one that has said anything. 

Although I put them on the bus this afternoon I don't think I will be able to do it again. I haven't been myself all day at the thought of them on there and I can't spend my days worrying about this. I want to know they get to and from school with no worries. I mean this man has put young kids off 2kms from there bus stop without calling a parent. He needs to be stopped. 

I don't fight all my kids battles, but I pick the ones that they need help with. This mummy bear is cranky!

Courageous little lions

I had a moment of pure clarity yesterday evening watching my soon to be twelve year old get ready for her first high school social. It was a themed event and the character had to start with the first letter of their name. She picked a YouTube star called Miranda. Who has big dark eyebrows and hot red lipstick that is smudged all over her face. This character sings terribly but yet flipping hilarious at the same time. And maya God love her, went out in public dressed like this. I mean I had bravery envy!

Marty and I sat amazed at the courage and confidence in her. We started to talk about it and realised we would have never done that for fear of rejection and bullying. Yet this kid just didn't care. I envy her. I mean, I'm now almost 35 and I don't worry about things like that, but imagine how much more of a handle I could of had on my life if I had got this courage earlier. 

We talked about how all the girls have this same quality. Where did they get it? How did we teach these skills, when we struggled with them as youths? It was puzzling to us. Funny to is that the other three have even more courage than maya, so it made me laugh to realise that they would dress up even more when their time comes. 

I'm proud to say that they have this quality I so truly desired long ago. I envy the courage and the lack of want for approval from their peers. I love that their friends love and encourage this behaviour. I enjoy seeing my kids being completely them with no need to hide traits. I loved that somehow Marty and I helped mould this behaviour and allowed it to never be squashed. My moment yesterday made the bad week before melt away with the knowledge we are doing something right. 

Parenting, is... Hard (sometimes)

This last week I have been tested by one of my girls. I know this as a phase as her older sister had the same moments. Moments of pushing the boundaries just a little bit further. Speaking just a little harsher and making me feel like I'm doing a very crap job at this parenting business. I mean when you feel guilty over your child being in trouble, something has gone a miss ( am I right?).

This week I feel I have raised my voice equally to how much I have laughed. I laugh a lot so you can see my problem. The mornings and some evenings which are normally very mellow have held angst and tears. Lines yelled at me like 'you blame me for everything' and ' you don't believe me'. This has hurt, because I love all my children equally just differently. You can't love them identically as they are all different and our relationships are all very individual, but simply I have no favourites!

So this morning all these issues came to a head! Which meant what started out to be this beautiful mellow morning of the last day of the school week, turned into a yelling match with a two year old tantrum. Please note I don't have a two year olds in this house. I took a big deep breath and tried to stay calm to try and make my point about the behaviour sink into this beautiful and cranky little creature. 

With Marty away, I felt a little lost for support but I think I managed to get her to understand that what she is doing is not how we treat the people we love and hopefully it sank in just enough to help her to remember. Parenting is so hard and when you have more than one, making sure you are fair and consistent is flipping hard. 

So my hope is that when my kids pile off the bus in oh two minutes that they are happy and the afternoon and evening only holds joy without the angst. 

Bx

To be a kid again

I sitting here at the local pool, watching my kids play and swim with other kids. They are having a blast. Kids build bridges fast and make friends even faster. Kids don't hold grudges and don't hold onto baggage. Why as adults do we lose this? When do we change and decide we can't move on from things. When does this happen?

Is it also hard for us adults to say sorry. We just plain suck at it. We teach our kids to own their mistakes and tell anybody that they are sorry for hurting them. Not us big kids, we dig our heals in and just hold onto the gabage that is crap. But how do you de clutter the crap that really has no meaning. 

I think I'm going to start taking pointers from my kids. I will have no baggage. I will hold no crap in and I will try to build bridges when there seems no way to. Im going to try and find that innocence while  still holding all the knowledge I have learnt in this life so far. 

Talking out loud

Well finishing up at the shop happened with a forced stay in hospital. Two weeks later and I'm starting to feel really good. Getting back into exercising and eating good. Being at home is a little strange, almost boring and very lonely at times. I'm filling my days with a job list and trying to achieve all of those things but when it's quiet, it's really quiet! Almost talking to yourself worthy. 

With this said, it's a joy to cook meals again and be a proper family on the weekends. To not have the distraction of the shop ruling your brain and ruining every family moment, because your just not focused on the here and now! It's nice to be able to give the girls time. To take them to the pool in the afternoons and let them be kids. To curl up with my husband on the lounge at night and not be talking about work and thinking about things to be done tomorrow. 

So I applied for a job last month and yesterday I got a call to come in for an interview. It's part time and would be perfect for me. I'm not getting to excited or caught up in the thought of getting it as what will be, will be. My only thoughts have been, it's been a while between interviews and I'm a little nervous! Like, butterfly's and stomach churning type of nerves. 

I think after my night of constant thought of the impending interview, I have come to the conclusion I'm just going to be myself. They will either like me or not, but at least I will be comfortable. I think if I keep that thought pattern then it should be fine. 

So I better start my day, cleaning, gardening and exercising are on the list today. 

Just not a good patient

I'm writing this at 1am in the morning, sitting in a hospital bed that has been mine now for three nights. I don't get sick and I certainly don't like staying in hospital. I arrived here very unwell, but still thinking I'm ok, it's not that bad. Well crap I was wrong. Extremely high temp, head throbbing and chest tightening were my only symptoms, so I became there mystery patient. 

Awesome! I'm a mystery and not in a cool, sexy kinda way. No one knew what it was except it had to be an infection of some kind, they hoped. Iv antibiotics were started straight away and lots and lots of blood taken to try and find an answer to the conundrum that is me!

So day two comes around of my stay and I'm told I have to stay for more monitoring. No answers as to why and that's when I start to lose my shit. I'm not a kid you can omit information from to protect them and I'm not the elderly that just don't want to know all the gory details of it. I'm me, I need to know otherwise, yes I will tell myself I'm fine and just want out of this place. 

In all this I'm not saying I'm refusing treatment or have attempted to leave. I have been frustrated with no one telling me everything. So tonight as I was woken for my midnight observations and antibiotics, I got some answers and finally understood why they are worrying about letting me out. I'm sick, very sick. Scary sick actually. 

We still haven't got to the core of how this happened but what I know now is my platelets are extremely low along with my white blood cell count. It has a name now, which is frightening. 

I'm scared, so very scared of what this path is leading down. I just want to go home and be with my family. As the tears stream down my face right night, I have to admit I'm struggling. My heart is aching and Im scared shitless of what is around the next bend. 

Creativity rules my head

I'm a creative person by nature. I am always designing something in my head. I doodle on pieces of paper always and if I see something, I become determine to recreate the idea. To see it come to life and be a real thing. Pinterest has been the best thing the Internet has ever had! I'm slightly addicted but hey who is it hurting. 

I mean, my shouse is filled with Pinterest ideas

Stained concrete floors

Whitewash plywood walls

Pallet vanity

Pallet fencing

Chicken coupe

Pallet retaining 

Composted bins

The list could keep going. All I know is the list of things I want to create keeps getting bigger and I love that my Marty is always happy to help see them come to life. 

My next plans are to create metal lettering on a rock wall at the entrance to our property. To build a bigger veggie garden, as I'm outgrowing the one we already have. A mezzanine room is on the cards and more pallet retaining.  Like I said the list could go on. 

Bx