Omg

Why do we miss what isn't healthy for us? Why does our heart break when it should rejoice? Why do we say we are moving on only to know how hard it is to let go? Why do I cry for something that was only ever a one sided thing? Why, why, why?

I have no idea why I feel these feelings. I mean I have scars that tell me how unhealthy my feelings are, my wrists hold stories only few know. I am struggling today, Big time and I can not articulate why. Lots of things are coming to a head and I don't think I'm dealing with them as well as I think. 

As much as I shouldn't miss this person, I do. I can't help it, maybe time will make this go away but at the moment it's just a matter of take everyday as it comes and ride the roller coaster that is my head. Today was bad, where tomorrow is going to end up is a guessing game. 

I think a trip to the doctors is in order and I'm scared of his options. I know what I need but that doesn't make me happier. I'm a yoyo that can't wait for the game to finish.